Henke "hånad" i England

Varje vecka skriver Harry Pearson – Englands roligaste sportjournalist alla kategorier – en liten artikel under rubriken "What won’t happen this week" där han funderar på vilka påhittade nyheter skulle kunna förgylla den kommande veckan.

Så här skrev han om vår egen Henrik Larsson (och jag tar den på engelska eftersom humor alltid är det svåraste att översätta):

After Henrik Larsson scores for Sweden against Ukraine in the second appearance of his third comeback he announces his retirement from international football.

"Football gives me a taste for football," he says, "and retirement gives me a taste for gold watches. You have to plan for the future and in my case I fancy a jewellery shop and I’ve got to think about stock.

"If I pack it in after every game between now and the end of Euro 2008 I’ll be well on my way."

His coach, Lars Lagerback, pays a warm tribute to the retiring striker. "Henrik is a true great. The boys had another whip-around [insamling] for him and we made a presentation to mark his service to the squad.

"We’ll never see his like again. Oh, hang on a minute, here he is now, sat under his peg, kitted up and thumbing through a Rolex catalouge."

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För övrigt ingen EM-feber att rapportera från England. Cricket-matchen mot Nya Zealand dominerar tidningarna…